Characters Description:The greatest Tom Jack

Jack was big tall man that had a short black hair, with a joyful smile and face. He wears a red coat and a shining white top with a gold looking armor at the front. He is holding a long mysterious magical wand up on the whispering gentle air. He also wears his black beautiful pants that was as long as his long legs. He had shoes that were as black as his pants. He was performing.





Jack had to go on an aeroplane to perform on a stage in America called America’s got talent. That is were people go when they want to show their incredible talents.





Start here...





So Jack attended to the show to show his amazing magic tricks that made the four judges say “Wow!”. One of the judges hit the golden buzzer which is the buzzer that puts you straight on the finals. After a few months it was time to go to the finals so he prepared the magic tricks that he was going to show to the four rich judges. It was a long long drive until they got there. Jack waited for the other performers to have his turn, after everybody had their turn it was time for Jack to go stand on the enormous stage. He was terribly nervous because he thought he might fail his amazing tricks and that he might not win. Jack didn’t fail his incredible magic tricks he actually made the four amazing judges say “Wow” again. After all that they were going to announced who the winner is. Jack was so nervous that he might not be the one. But when the judges announced who the winner is they shouted





Mrs N said, Good to see you caught up after some off task time Miguel.


Well sequenced. Great description in the first paragraph.


Love the line ‘ He felt terribly nervous’.


Next Step: In the second paragraph slow down a little and describe the stage and setting , (sights, sounds, colours etc) where the competition was being held. Describe the judges, looks on their faces etc.


Next idea or part of story = new paragraph. I have put a couple of lines in for you. :)