Here is my story. What do you think about it?
The Prank
The thunder roared in the pitch black night while James was lying down on the bed staring at the ceiling excited for what will happen tomorrow. James leaned over his right side reaching out to turn off his lamp. During the silent night under the glooming moon James heard disturbing sounds that woke him up. James rushingly sat on his bed and quickly wrapped his blanket around him, he quietly sat and listened to the repeated sound of a woman screaming. James trembled with fear as the sound came closer and closer, as it was coming closer and closer the noise stopped.
James sighed of relief as he was taking off the blanket around him. He hopped off his bed and slowly walked to the door of his bedroom. He slowly and carefully pushed back his door making sure it didn’t make any noise, when the door was halfway opened he looked around to see if anyone was there, when he saw the floor there were marks of footsteps with blood leading out of one of his roommate’s room and down the stairs. He ran towards and looked down from the mezzanine floor and saw a woman with black hair staring creepily at him holding a knife. James sprinted back inside his room scared, and slammed the door shut.
He heard stomping footsteps walking up the stairs. James pushed most of his furniture into the door to prevent the woman from opening the door. He stood there looking at the door waiting to see what would happen next. He stopped and snatched a bat from the corner of his room as he heard the woman walking towards his door laughing and yelling ”Come out come out wherever you are”. The woman started hitting the door, and it became harder and louder every time she hit it. James was shaking with his bat ready to swing and strike the woman.
The woman suddenly stopped hitting the door and shouted “It's a prank James, it’s me Emma!”, all five of his roommates were laughing outside his room including Emma. James wasn’t saying anything back at them, they all started calling out James name and saying it was just a prank, but still they got no response. They got curious about what he was doing inside his room so they decided to come in, there was no furniture blocking the door and they were all positioned from where they were before. But they saw James laying down on the floor with blood all around him, one of his roommates saw the window of his room open. His roommate curiously walked up to the window and looked down, and saw a lady staring back at him with a knife and white shirt both covered with James’s blood…
Kia ora Miguel!
ReplyDeleteWhat an awesome piece of writing. I really enjoyed reading this, you made it very scary! I love that you included so many awesome verbs, adverbs and adjectives. You certainly made me want to keep reading and the twist at the end was very scary. Have you got any ideas for how you might create your movie trailer for your writing?
Keep up the great work.
Miss Tozer.
Hello Miguel, This is Tevita I have been reading your story, and I really enjoy reading, you made me very very scared and you wrote a big story and i really like it. Keep up the great work Miguel.
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